I am Tired

I am tired. Not just tired actually...but flat out exhausted, weary- to-the-bone tired. School is back in session which means I hit the ground running with huge class sizes, new content, and over 200 students whose names I am trying to learn so that I can start that critical piece of building connections and relationships with them. Added to that I am the assistant coach for debate which at my school has the same after school and weekend commitments as a football coach does. 
Now factor in juggling that full time job and that part time coaching position, while having to coordinate an army of babysitters and babysitting help, (you know who you are and I ❤ you!)  a large yard (see post about rain), an unfinished house, being a landlord, taking care of a dog, having a potty-training toddler and a 1st grader, a still tenuous co-parent relationship, and sprinkle on some financial and debt stress for good measure and you start to get the picture.

Exhausted doesn't even do my current situation justice.

So after almost having a mild panic attack today at work (I am serious) a coworker who was in my exact shoes last year said that when life is really difficult (she used an adjective that normally gets bleeped) even though she is exhausted, if she drags herself to the gym she is better. My gym date has been long overdue and so I made a plan to figure out how to go today.
As I was pacing the halls at school trying to get out of my head my principal put his arm around me and told me I looked stressed and that pretty much confirmed it. My goal was going to the gym so I could run...I basically have the disposition of a canine. Get me out for a good run, give me the occasional treat and lots of praise and I am good!

Well long story short, the gym didn't happen. Lots of other things...good things happened...but not the gym...the one thing I needed most. So I decided that once my kids were in bed I would put on my workout clothes and run laps around my house. (Not the first time I have done this obviously). So after the kids were in bed, because I literally felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin, I put on exercise gear and went outside to begin to stretch...but it was late and I was so tired...and so upset that I didn't make the gym happen today, despite trying, that instead I just ugly cried. There I was in my gym shorts, running shoes, and a t-shirt, snot running out of my nose, ugly crying. Because if I couldn't get it out through hitting the pavement and putting in miles all these emotions were going to come out one way or the other..and while it wasn't the favorite part of the week...it did feel better.
And even though I lay here tonight exhausted still, this evening was filled with good friends and lots of laughter, and I am feeling re-energized.

So here is to ugly crying every once in awhile, to not always being good at making time for yourself, but like tonight allowing God's grace into your life in the form of great conversation and smiling so much your face hurts. Remember there are those moments too.

I am tired and as my son reminded me the other day, I am always tired...but sometimes all it takes is to wait a little bit longer and the universe gives you enough of a reprieve that you can keep going. Hang in there. You are almost to the top...and while there will be more hills to climb, God will give you a little bit of a downhill.

Love,

Madeline

P.S. As I was about to hit publish on this post I thought that I would update you all and let you know that I am sitting here with the worst head cold and sinus infection ever! Exhaustion really did my immune system no favors! (Does it ever?) So yay for downhills. They might not last very long but my miracle is my sweet neighbor who brought me meds to help me deal with the mess I am in. Keep on keeping on!

 
(Me looking too good for life... when really I am just trying not to fall asleep.)

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